Tuesday, 2 August 2016

Ugh. Snarl.

Hey all. It's been a rough few days, as you can probably tell from my previous post below. I'm feeling the pressure of completing all the music work for 2084, which is opening just around the corner, but it's a bit more than that. The amount of work isn't any more stressful than the work I've done for previous projects (such as last year's travesty, that musical that shalt not be named); but I guess it's a combo of being away from home; not really being paid much; having a PhD theoretically looming over my head; not feeling 100% health wise (teeth issues and stress-related manifestations) and missing Ashley and Kerbie tremendously. Oh, and there've been some smaller dramas back home too, apparently with my bro having quit his job at Starbucks and mum recently having had her handbag snatched. All in all, not a great time. Not a great time at all.

(Related: See https://www.facebook.com/nickchoo/posts/10153717015140918).

Last Tuesday was really rough... I had rehearsal with the cast, and (without going into details) at a certain point I lost my patience and kinda snapped at someone, which resulted in tears and people leaving the room. Truly not my finest hour. Then there were reprimands, and all sorts of emotional turmoil. I'm only mentioning this as a record of stuff that went down, which is why I'm not going to elaborate any further (the sanctity of the rehearsal space and whatnot), but it's mostly been resolved now, though I'm still feeling kinda grotty emo-wise, lots of ups and downs; and while I know it's probably not true, I'm not feeling particularly close to the cast right now (haven't seen them since it happened). On the plus side, the band is doing pretty well, so there's that.

Sigh. Sometimes I wonder if it's all just me. Am I the cause of all the dramas behind every show I get involved in? The record seems to show that I might be. Why do I do this? Is this a form of self-sabotage because I don't think I deserve to reach greater heights? What's it all about, I ask you? What's it all about?

Anyway. Hopefully as we get closer to show date, and once it's over, things will look a lot clearer for me. Right now, though, it's a struggle, and I think not having Ash and Kerb around are a big factor too (see https://www.facebook.com/nickchoo/posts/10153717154380918). Fingers crossed things will look up. Until then...


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