Thursday, 28 February 2013

Bench: Reviewed!

Hey everyone. It's been another week of meh-ness as I've come down with a dreadful cough and sore throat, grr arrgh. But on the happier news front, on Tuesday my novel Bench was reviewed by ilovebooks, the books (duh) division of MediaCorp. So here's a scan of the article in question, which you can also view here! If you haven't yet got your copy... well... shame on you!!

Saturday, 16 February 2013

Blah Blah Blah Ouch Blah Blah

Hey all. Been quiet lately. Got back to Singapore last Tuesday after a gruelling few days in Penang over the Chinese New Year break (have I mentioned that it's my least favourite time of the year? Grrr. Arrgh). On the plus side, my passive-aggression managed to spur about some positivity, namely that I managed to tell my parents to back off and let me make my own decision. I've officially decided to tender my resignation from work on March 1, giving me a month to get ready to leave in April. This is regardless of the outcome of my permanent residence application, so if they approve it within this timeframe, great, it opens up opportunities to remain or partially remain in Singapore; if not, too bad, I'm outta here, folks. I tell you, it was majorly liberating to have one of my uncles take my side, telling my folks, "He's in his 30s. Let him make his own choices. He's young, let him take chances and risks while he can. If he doesn't want to stay, don't make him stay." Thank you, Uncle! Sheesh.

On top of everything else, I've returned to Singapore with a gouty foot, so it's not been entirely pleasant. Just got back from a tedious trip to the shops and to the doctor's for more anti-inflams. So my mood's kinda, let's just say, not great. To make matters worse, I've been ordering food delivered for the past three or four nights, and all of it has consisted of fast food. So I'm liable to suffer a heart attack, I reckon, sooner rather than later, unless things change. And right now, being here, with my current mindset, doesn't give me much motivation for change. So... I need things to change so that other things can change. Capeesh? Capeesh.

Awright, then, I guess that's all for now. Till next time... another lonely weekend predominantly in my room, nursing a swollen foot. Joy.

Saturday, 9 February 2013

Pre-CNY blues

Hey everyone. Sorry for lack of updates. Am in Penang right now, at the Club, waiting to check out of this room and head on up to my grandma's place in Balik Pulau. It's been a pretty bummy few days; I guess the mood stabilisers need to be upped a notch, arf. Sigh. Ummm. Came to Penang on Thursday night. I was originally meant to get onto a 1:50pm flight from Singaypoo, but as it turns out work was unexpectedly heavy and I couldn't leave the office early, much to my frustration. It was my fault, really (though I haven't told anyone this): I had presumed it would be like any other workday and there wouldn't be a problem with me leaving office early. But as it turns out they've upped my responsibilities to include UPDATING TV LISTINGS, and I type that in upper case because I'm YELLING it with some degree of FRUSTRATION. Oh wow, I've got a MASTERS in JOURNALISM and CREATIVE ARTS and I've been tasked to DRAW LINES AROUND ADS and UPDATE TV LISTINGS for five hours out of my day. When you consider there are, like, three to four musical projects I've got lined up on my plate this year, I wonder what the hell I'm really doing and why, oh why, I'm bound to other people's expectations and my own. See, I'm waiting for the outcome of my permanent residence application, which I've come to accept that I, too, want (in addition to my parents wanting it, oh you pathetic man-child you); so until it's approved I've got to SUCK IT UP and just BEAR WITH IT until it's time for me to go. Which, in the meantime, means it's all building up inside of me and I just wanna scream cry yell sob take more meds go into a drunken stupor all of the above. What was I saying? Oh yeah, updating TV listings; so I was asked to finish the listings up until this coming Wednesday (when I return to Singapoo), meaning I was stuck at work and couldn't leave and ended up missing my flight. I bought a ticket for 9pm Thursday night, and wouldn't you know it, it set me back close to RM1,200. I could've bought a LAPTOP with that money. Couple that with the ticket I'd wasted (non-refundable, non-exchangeable in such a short time frame), it comes up to almost RM2,000 I've squandered. ARRRGH. ARRRGGHHH. So you might ask why I don't ask for greater responsibilities at work instead of these menial tasks? I don't know. I guess it's because I don't WANT greater responsibilities, I'm likely to FUCK IT UP. And also because I'm ready to leave, so why bother asking for more? But I'm hesitant  to leave without the PR. What if my theatre works don't end up happening? What if I fuck THAT up?? I feel so trapped, I tell you. TRAPPED. And I can't seem to find a way out. I'm unable to walk away. I'm unable to make my own decisions. I'm unable to do anything. I'm trapped. Oh yes, all you more well-adjusted non-bipolar people are thinking TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE YOU'RE THE MASTER OF YOUR OWN DESTINY and all that fucking bullshit, but I tell you if it's that easy, there wouldn't be depressed and mood-swingy people in this world. Or perhaps it's the depress-mood-swinginess that's STOPPING me from finding a way out, or from taking control, or from whatever whatever fuckit.So I shall just suffer in silence (apart from online rants) and resign myself to this life of nothing greater. Happy Chinese New Year, everybody.

End... scene.

Sunday, 3 February 2013

Choo-Choo Choir!

So today marked my first time joining the choir at Novena Church, after a long, long time and many repeated promptings from...well, various sources. All in all, rather non-eventful (heh), although at one point halfway through the mass, one of the parish priests came up to the choir area upstairs on the balcony and started taking photos of us. Turns out he was snapping pics for the church website, and lo and behold, within a few minutes of my joining the choir, apparently I'm to be regarded as a permanent-ish fixture, since my pics already up on the site and all, oy, vey! What's interesting is that the choir conductor and organist, my former piano teacher(s), told me it was "strange timing" because in all their time conducting the choir (since last year), no priest has ever come up to snap pics. So... make of that what you will, but it seems to be another thing to add to the list of happy Nick-Choir coincidences...

Meanwhile, have I ever mentioned that when Gerard and Geraldine dropped me off at my block the last (and first) time we met up, they knew where my building was straightaway? Turns out I live in the exact same building as a friend of theirs who has since moved to Canada - a friend who introduced them to the Novena Church choir to begin with! How's that for an uncanny coincidink?? Odd, huh??? Well, add that to the list too, I reckon!!!

Anyway, here's a blurry pic of me this morning on the keyboard (with snazzy new haircut), which you can also view in all its murky glory on the N.C. website. Erk, I just realised that Novena Church and I share the same initials. Oy!!!!

Friday, 1 February 2013


Looks like my FB experiment shoved older posts into the archives. Click on the links below the post or on the right, folks! :)

The Facebook Contrivance #1: Of Mood Stability

Something different today: Since I'm too lazy to try to retype this stuff, and since it's on Facebook anyway, I'm gonna cut and paste my FB updates and responses from yesterday. Genius, eh? And since I'm also in the habit of eventually deleting FB posts, this allows the more significant ones to remain documented on this blog. Genius, I say again. GENIUS.


Posted January 31, 2013;  as of  11:55am, Feb 1:
So the doc tells me it's very likely I've got a case of Bipolar II, characterised by "cyclical shifts between depression and hypermania (sic), the latter of which often feels like 'normalcy'". Interesting. Day one on mild dosage of mood stabilizers. Wish me luck, folks.

And oh, some of you might wonder why I share this information so freely. It's mostly because I feel it's good to highlight these kinda mental health issues; that it's all very real and "not just in one's head", as IRONIC AS THAT SOUNDS haaHAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAA. Sorry. Yeah. Plus this is a personal journey for me. So thanks for sticking arround and supporting.

New friends who just added me? Um. How are you?
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Posted January 31, 2013;  as of  11:55am, Feb 1:

Doctor said that many creative type people are bipolar to some degree, where creativity stems from tapping into the alternating states of excitability and melancholy. As he suggested I take some mood stabilizer, he cautioned to add: "Don't be surprised if you find yourself being less creative." Hrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm. You take the bad with the good, I suppose. Oy.
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