Monday, 29 August 2011

Seven Is A Lucky Number, For Some

In the midst of all the recent goings-on, I completely forgot that this month marked the seventh(!!!) anniversary of this blog! Oh mein gott! Can't believe I posted the first item on Aug 4, 2004. That, my friends, is cuh-raaazy!! So happy belated anniversary, (currently limited) Madcap Memoir followers! I'll be back soon to post up some overdue items from our recent Singypoo trip. Check back in soon! And don't forget to scroll down to check out my new demo, k? Cheerio!

We All Need Somebody To Save

Hey everyone! Here's another sign of Nick's Falling Back Into Regular Mode: waking up at 530am to write a song! Heheh, yes, it happened this morning. Woke up, sat at the computer and churned out lyrics for a song from my musical The Edge.

I've been reworking the script in recent days (the third major rewrite, which will hopefully be the last major rewrite!), and over the past three years since the 2008 workshop production, I've been struggling with the character of April, who didn't seem to have much inter-connectivity with the other characters and didn't seem to serve a purpose in the overarching story of the suicidal boy and how it impacts on those around him. But recently, I've come to realise: April's isolation and outsider's perspective is precisely her purpose as a character. Death and tragedy draw you in, even if you're not directly involved. And once I got that in my head, it was clear what her point is as a character. And so I've been able to rewrite the libretto accordingly with these new ideas.

So here's something exciting: a brand new demo from an upcoming Nick product! This is the song I wrote at 530am this morning, titled Somebody to Save, sung by April. The melody is partially brand new, and partially derived from a throwaway tune that was used in the workshop production. I'm much, much happier with the way that melody is being used now. This, I feel, I hope, will be a show-stopping moment in the second half of the show. Without further ado, here it is, recorded literally an hour ago today, with my vocals (oy) and lyrics (first draft) below. Enjoy!!

Some people talk about me from a distance.
“She is nothing. She’s nobody. She’s just— there.”
So I’m finding an incentive for my existence by showing that I care.

Some people hate that person in the mirror.
But I never thought I’d have that point of view.
Still, I’m searching for a way I might be freer by doing what I do.

Maybe if I helped you— played two roles: your saviour, your slave.
Maybe I’d find my way! So I seek somebody to save.
How I need somebody to save.

I know some people think that I’m a mess. True,
I guess, perhaps, they just don’t have a clue
How it feels to want to come to someone’s rescue…
For what else can I do?

There’s a reason I put everyone above me.
See, I’m not pretty. I’m not smart. I just… make do.
But perhaps I could find someone who would love me
If I keep doing what I do. Wouldn’t you?

“April, serve a purpose.” In my mind, these words are engraved.
Trust me, I’m not being brave, I just need somebody to save.
We all need somebody to save.

Some people disagree. “You’re all right the way you are.”
That is what they tend to say.
But here’s where they don’t see I wanna be more than okay.
I’m striving every day! I’m gonna find my way,

On this path I pave.
We’ve all one foot in the grave! Don’t we need somebody to save?
We all need somebody to save!
It’s my creed, somebody to save.
Yes, indeed, somebody to save!

Friday, 26 August 2011

OMG It's The Worst News Ever!

Here's a bit of a time-waster. In the midst of talking to little Jo, we discussed, among other things, Supernatural, a.k.a. my favourite TV show. And we began to discuss the two lead dudes' relationship (good friends). Naturally, Nick's uber-creative mind went into drama mode: "What would happen if they had a fight in real life?"

Which led me to write this faux report, spontaneously, in our chat window, which Jo thought I should blog since it sounded so real, and also as a reminder of why, perhaps, I should explore creative and journalistic writing again, arf arf. Anyway, sorry if this bores you non-SPN fans (Season 7 in September, y'all!).... but, y'know, it's like coming out has turned me to a giggly fangirl, LOL. When you think about it, the truth has been in front of your face all this time: how many straight men publicly proclaim love for Supernatural over and over again??? :P

Here's my spontaneous "news report":

A behind-the-scenes dispute has set gossip mills churning over a potential shutdown of Supernatural following repeated feuding between the leads, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki.

"It's so sad and we're filled with sympathy and concern," says executive producer and showrunner Sara Gamble. "For two best friends to be going through this kind of conflict... we pray for the best that they'll resolve it."

However, insider sources claim the boys are being as professional as ever when the cameras are rolling. "They do what they have to do, even if it means heart-to-heart talks between the Winchesters," says one crew member. "But once the director yells 'Cut', we see ice forming on the walls."

Fans have been active in voicing their deep concerns over the future of the show, and, especially, of the relationship between Ackles and Padalecki.

"We've seen them grow from strangers and colleagues to being best friends, virtually real-life brothers," says one fan, Nicki. "We're hoping they'll make amends, soon. A loss of friendship of this magnitude would be tragic... Apocalyptic."

Monday, 22 August 2011

I'm Out! I'm Out Of The Closet! ~ Harry Solomon, "Third Rock From The Sun"

Yo, everybody. Jeebuz, what a whirlwind weekend!! Mum, Terry and I headed down to Singypoo where we caught The Lion King musical onstage. I'll post more about the trip later, but right now, all I want to say is that I'm feeling a buoyancy that I've not experienced in a long, long time, and while I'm kinda nervous to hope this feeling will be permanent, I believe a huge part of it is the weight of my mind/chest to have finally, finally, told one of my parents about my being gay. Yes, sirree, as of August 21 2011, Mum officially knows. We had a long heart-to-heart over lunch at the food court (of all places, oy vey!), which started from a discussion over dad's financial woes, leading to talk of dreary futures and depression, leading to A Large Factor Of Why Nick Is Depressed. And the funny thing is, I didn't even have to say the words. Okay, here's the gist of how the conversation went:

After lengthy emotional discussion on the future.
Nick: Actually there's one more thing I should tell you.
Mum: What now?
Nick: But... you might be really shocked or disappointed.
Mum: Tell me la.
Nick: Um.You know how I've always said I'll probably never get married?
Mum: Uh-huh. I think I can guess what it is.
Nick: What?
Mum: You like "the same".

Cue long pause.

Nick: Perhaps.

No, I jest, I didn't say "perhaps". Heh. We went on to discuss, among other things: how long I've known; how being gay growing up made me perpetually hate myself for being "this way" and being confused at God for making me "this way"; whom among my friends know; Mum asking if I was gay or bisexual without actually using any of those terms; Nick finally saying, "Mum, I'm a gay man" and Mum saying, "Okay lah."; The Story Of Follow The Light And The American; and Should We Tell Dad? ("Let's just leave it for now," Mum reckons. "One step at a time.") All of this in abbreviated note form, of course.

The underlying summary is: Mum says "life is short. Be happy." And she said in these exact words: "You have my full support." Wow. Who knew my Mum was so cool and liberal and open-minded? I said, partially in jest: "Aiyaaaa if I had known I would've told you years ago!", but she said wisely that perhaps a few years ago she might not have been able to accept it so well. Good point. All the episodes of Brothers & Sisters have indeed helped. (Speaking of TV shows, at one point I said, "Mum! Open your eyes! I love Supernatural. Do you know how many straight guys love Supernatural??!" Heh.)

Anyway I'll write more when I can gather my thoughts and when I'm not so emotionally wrung-out, but in a good way. Plus, I don't think the full impact of what I've done, this milestone, has really sunk in yet. In a way it was almost anti-climactic, the way Mum was so cool about it. Like, I expected a bit more drama, perhaps because of the stories my other gay friends have told me about the times they came out. When I remarked on this, Mum said, "What you expect me to do?! Pull my hair out?! Disown you?! You think this is Korean soap opera ah?!" Best quote of the day. Of the week. Of my life.

Okay, so in conclusion Mum and I made this decision. In her words: "Okay, now that it's off your chest, let's make a change. Don't need to be sad or depressed. Start altering your future. Go out, meet people, and if you find someone, so be it. Just take care of yourself and be happy." So that's the plan, folks. From this day forth - well, from yesterday - I feel, perhaps, that a new chapter has begun. Like I said, today I've woken up feeling incredibly optimistic in a way I've not felt for a long, long time. And while yes, it's early days yet and my dad and brother still don't know, telling one parent has been remarkably freeing. I can only hope and pray it'll all be uphill from here. In the meantime, all I can do is just keep looking ahead with positivity, knowing that yesterday just might have been the first day of the rest of my life.

Friday, 12 August 2011

Cuteness Alert!!!

Portraits of Ashley in deep contemplation...

...before snuggling into her favourite patchwork blanket for a much-needed snooze.

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Monday, 1 August 2011

Babies and Baldies

Awww, found an old photo of my dear doggy Jodie as a cute little puppy-dum!

And to contrast that with shock value, here's another pic of me and my latest haircut:

Oy, what an egghead!

Nyaaa Nyaaa! Baldy Baldy!!

Today I decided to do something I'd been thinking of doing for weeks now. So may I present... da-da-da-dumm!!! ... Nick's new look! Arf!! Not entirely sure what I think of it yet, as it's far too new... so give me a few days to get used to it and I'll decide if it's something I wanna keep. On the plus side, though, at least I know I've got a relatively rounded head. Oy.
 What do you think??